Towards the end of March 2022, my sister Saïna came across a Tik Tok competition inviting anyone with a camera or smart phone to enter a video under 3 minutes in duration. There was no brief, we could make anything we wanted more or less (within reason). The deadline was April 5th, so we didn’t have much time to come up with an idea and execute. We were keen to write something that dealt with, or alluded to, our grandparents’ lives, made more difficult this year by our grandpa’s challenges with memory and coordination.

My dad, sister and I gathered in the living room to brainstorm some ideas. There were plenty emotions to mine from a story involving our grandparents, but it was going to be difficult to include Grandpa in the picture, as he’s not only a non-actor, even on a good day his memory is a fragile thing.

We were also very mindful of not wanting to offend either of the grandparents, especially Grandma, as this subject is deeply personal and the last thing any of us wanted was to come across as exploitative, flippant or glib about a subject as sensitive as dementia, or ‘mixed dementia’ as a doctor recently described Grandpa’s condition.

Inspiration for the film

Saïna told us of a recent visit to Grandpa & Grandma’s, travelling on her own. At one point Grandpa had told her that his father had driven our dad down to Sussex University, where he was to start a BA in English Literature and film. Grandma had to remind him that he was misremembering: he was in fact the one who’d done the driving.

Anyone with dementia or Alzheimer’s will show increased signs of muddling names and places, we are all familiar with this from real life and movies. In this case, Grandpa had experienced some kind of dissociative recollection that cast him as an observer of someone else carrying out an action that he had carried out. It was even more extraordinary to my mind given that his father had been dead 10 years by the time my dad was ready to go to university. Even as these things were kindly pointed out to him, for some minutes he remained  quite adamant he didn’t have a car at that time.

It was this recent example of confusion in Grandpa’s mind as to who was doing what and when that formed the basis of an idea for a little film. So, in the film you’ll see Grandpa, who has never acted in his life, looking out the window to the garden. He sees his son (my dad) digging at a flower bed. And yet he also sees himself out there. He even imagines he’s wearing his gardening jacket and gloves, although he hasn’t been outside gardening for several weeks.

It’s only when his son returns to the house, having found a missing glove, that we realise he has confused reality with a memory. What you see on the screen is not ‘bad acting’, it is in fact a very real portrait of a man of 92 who often struggles to find his words.

On the fly

Preparation? We had no time to call a regular crew, and if we wanted to finish the vertical version in time for the TikTok competition, we had to make it work with what we had, essentially radio mics and a DLSR camera. No rehearsals, either. Before Grandpa got too tired, we shot two versions: the one you see above and the vertical version. We could have sat around thinking, this is going to be impossible, but instead we just went out there and did it. So often the best thing to do in life.

As Saïna wasn’t able to join us for the shoot, my dad and I passed to her the job of editing, finding some music to fit, mixing and grading.

Children, animals and…

There’s a familiar adage in the film world that you want to avoid working with children and animals if at all possible, especially on a tight budget. You could add to that list: non-actors with ‘mixed dementia’. And yet, in spite of numerous takes my grandpa had to do for his first line, we somehow made it work, and without anyone getting prickly in the process.

I thought it was very admirable that Grandpa even agreed to be in the film. He never once gave the impression that he suspected us filmmakers of exploiting his situation or that he resented being asked to act out a scenario that could so easily have added to his daily frustrations. Luckily, he gave it his best, and although clearly he was struggling with his stamina at times, he never once complained. I got the feeling that above all he was glad to be useful. He had a task to do, and he was going to prove to himself he could still do it. I like to think the interaction he had with his son and grandchildren gave him back some of his pride, even if, paradoxically, the film was on the face of it a story revealing of his frailties.

It’s just how things are

My grandma, who plays herself in the film, has been clear she wants to be transparent with people as to her husband’s condition. Not to make light of it, not to despair, either, just accept it and make the best of life as it is now, in spite of the challenges they face alone and together.

The Mystery of Memory is a nuanced and subtle piece that illustrates in under 2 minutes just one aspect of what goes on in the mind of someone who is becoming increasingly prone to episodes of confusion. It shows that dementia is so much more than ‘forgetting things’. When parts of the brain begin to atrophy, you can’t remember how long you’ve been living in your own home, you can’t remember who’s living with you. You wonder where the furniture came from. You not only struggle to find the right word, you hear yourself slurring sometimes. Dementia also causes problems with coordination and balance. So you fall in the bathroom and cut your arm open on the edge of the bath. Buttons and zips become tedious puzzles. You spend 5 minutes putting your head through the sleeve of your jumper… The night before we filmed, my dad spoke to Grandpa and as we were sitting down to eat dinner, Grandpa said with a bemused laugh: “Oh, you know, I just get so tired of being this way. I feel so done in.”

The film is also as much about the way in which the older man’s wife gently helps to bring him back to reality without ever resorting to sarcasm, judgment or even letting go a sigh of frustration. It is but one brief glimpse of a family holding it together as shadows encroach on the light, but we hope it touches you all the same.

✨ Click here for the vertical version, which has a slightly different performance. ✨